Fastball
by Major Mike Powell III
Summary: How Johnny the C.E.L.L. trooper isn't a massive jerk like his fellow soldiers, how "Prophet" ran around Manhattan throwing things at those C.E.L.L. soldiers and how Johnny put his life back in order. Silly one-shot based on Crysis 2, what you see is what you get. LOL Read'n enjoy, let me know if you get a chuckle or two.


**Fastball**

 **By Major Mike Powell III**

Johnny was a nice guy, for a C.E.L.L. trooper at least. Usually a long-range marksman with his scoped SCAR with a suppressor and foregrip. He often saw the action from a reasonable distance.

Johnny had seen some shit before and after joining the C.E.L.L. Private Military Company's ranks. He was a former U.S. Army Ranger, did four tours of duty in Eastern Europe and the Middle East before going private to provide for his baby brother and ill father.

Thanks to his generous paychecks from C.E.L.L. he paid for Li'l Jack's studies and got his Dad through rehab and his old man was now better than ever. The two were now safe and sound, as far away as possible from the alien-infested (and C.E.L.L.-infested, too) shithole that the Big Apple had become.

Johnny seriously wondered (speaking of C.E.L.L.) why seemingly everybody in his unit other than himself was an asshole. Like, Johnny was sure that Commander Lockhart would likely kill himself with an ulcer from shouting _so_ goddamn much, if Ms. Tara Strickland didn't bitch-slap him to death first. God knows Johnny would laugh his ass off if that happened.

Anyway, like stated above, everybody in Johnny's squad was a massive douchebag. They were angry all the damn time, were insanely fast on shooting everything that moved and wasn't wearing black and _did these guys kiss their mothers with those mouths?_

Like, damn! C.E.L.L. troopers loved to swear more than the friggin' drill sergeant from F**l Me**l J**ket!

Then, there was the damn Ceph crawling and jumping and running all over the city. Johnny was incredibly thankful he had yet to have an encounter of the _really_ painful kind, up-close and personal with a Ceph, instead of picking the squid bastards off from a distance.

And _then_ , there was that guy Commander Lockhart had the mad-on for: Nanosuit subject "Prophet". Orders to shoot on sight and all that jazz.

An asshole or not, despite all the fellow C.E.L.L. troopers Prophet had smoked on his path through Manhattan, Johnny had to admit the Nanosuit was an awesome, wicked piece of combat hardware and totally let you show off your ass without looking like an ass.

Johnny snickered yet he became thoughtful again. He had heard some rather disturbing stuff regarding Prophet, that suit of his and the way that almost a dozen C.E.L.L. troopers had gotten killed by thrown objects.

One trooper got his torso destroyed by a cloaked Prophet using a sewer cover like a Frisbee, hurling it at the guy like he was some comic book superhero.

Another guy took a killing blow to the back of the skull via Prophet hurling a cinderblock at him.

Another C.E.L.L. trooper got a mouthful of burning coal when Prophet threw a portable BBQ grill at his face.

Another guy was pelted to death by Prophet peppering him with empty beer cans with Maximum Strength.

Then! Another poor bastard got killed by Prophet throwing _another_ C.E.L.L. trooper at him!

Johnny wondered just _how_ messed-up and disturbed this Nanosuit-wearing psychopath was.

Anyway, as Johnny scanned the forward area through his SCAR's marksman scope, he saw a three-man patrol below, nothing new there. Then, Johnny scanned the sector behind his squadmates…

"…what the _fuck?_ " He uttered in disbelief. Through his scope he saw a barrel. A _floating barrel!_ "Wait…" Johnny switched to thermal optics and looked at the "poltergeist" wannabe barrel…and it was Prophet! The bastard was cloaked as he hefted that barrel…heading straight for the 3-man C.E.L.L. patrol.

Johnny had a clear shot…yet his finger hesitated on the trigger of his SCAR. That hesitation saw as a result Prophet flinging that barrel at the C.E.L.L. patrol.

"The fuck? Shit! It's Prophet! Open fire!" Only one trooper had time to raise his rifle and shoot while his buddy got his spine squashed by the barrel and the trooper standing behind him was sent back-first into a red-brick wall five meters away after the barrel remained in motion and it squashed that trooper against that wall, with only his arms and legs comically visible from the edges of the barrel embedded into the wall. The poor bastard's foot still twitched.

Last but not least, the last man standing of the team fell after Prophet grabbed a _friggin' road cone_ and hurled it into the trooper's gut, making the S.O.B gurgle and give the death rattle as he held his dented abdomen and toppled over, dead before he even hit the floor.

Up on his elevated position, Johnny witnessed this twisted comedy of pain, gulping as he looked at Prophet through his scope. Johnny nearly soiled his pants when he saw Prophet de-cloaked, standing there…looking right back at Johnny.

The eyes behind the Nanosuit's polarized visor seemingly looked right into Johnny's very soul.

And then…Prophet apparently had a seizure or something like that…because he started jumping, vaulting and grabbing ledges all over the damn place, bringing out his own SCAR rifle and spinning around in circles while emptying an entire mag into the air like a pre-pubescent kid playing an online shooter on 10 sensitivity.

"…the fuck is this clown on…?" Johnny asked himself. "It's like he earned an Achievement or somethin'…" then, Prophet stopped celebrating whatever and looked back at Johnny again…and gave him a thumbs up.

Johnny blinked twice and uttered a soft, contemplative "Huh…" before letting out a sigh and standing up, shouldering his SCAR and giving Prophet a respectful salute. Then, the Nanosuit soldier walked off, cloaking as he turned.

Johnny stood there and pulled off his C.E.L.L. helmet and facemask, wringing it in his gloved hands before tossing it away along with his C.E.L.L. dog tags.

"Fuck this shit!" And Johnny walked off.

Three days later, Johnny cut all ties to C.E.L.L. after retrieving his last paycheck. He had a cold beer with his old friend from the U.S. Rangers to talk shit about their former Sergeant that had a borderline-fetishistic obsession with aiming down the sights of one's gun.

Plus, talk about that one guy with a Latino last name that became traumatized by the old Sergeant screaming his name at the top of his lungs every single time he gave the poor bastard an order.

Then, after transferring a _really_ healthy sum of money to his little brother and father, Johnny went off the grid, moving to Bangkok, Thailand. He met an amazingly sweet, cute waitress and it was love at first sight.

The two flirted like teenagers, dated, got married and had three kids; two beautiful twin girls and a boy. The boy was the first-born. They named him "Johnny".

 _Achievement Unlocked: Fastball_

 _So…yeah. This one is for my good friend, Glexen. Kudos to him for improvising the original "draft" for this story during a chat on Skype a while ago. LOL So, at least he helped me get this thing out of my head. So, here's to you, my friend! :3_

 _Also, this achievement is fun to unlock in "Crysis 2", just screwing around with those dumbass C.E.L.L. troopers and your Nanosuit's Cloak. XD It's just so much fun. No wonder there's an achievement called "Poltergeist" in "Crysis 3" that has the same theme. XD_

 _Anyway, have a nice day ya'll._

 _Semper-Fi! Carry on!_


End file.
